"Hey, uh, can we...talk?" Dan asked as he approached his fiancee, Tatiana, in the backyard.
"It's a free country..." Tatiana replied, not even looking up at him, while taking a puff from a cigar.
"Look, I love you, and part of that means I really wanted to understand you," Dan began, sitting down next to her. "It's like you're...two different people. One month, you're the love of my life, the next...it seems like you barely care about me or 'us'. And, well, I noticed that 'switch' always seems to happen around your, uh..." Dan sheepishly trailed off while Tatiana glanced over. "Erm, your period. And I know that can be a really tough time for a woman, but I've never known any other woman to change this drastically and for so long..."
Tatiana blew out a large puff of smoke. "Alright, fuck it, you caught me." Dan tilted his head in confusion, not expecting that response. "I'm not really Tatiana...at least every other month. I was a well-off businessman named Joel. She was some hooker I picked up on a work trip, could barely speak English, but she was pretty, looked like she knew her way around a dick. And she definitely did. Seems like you know that too..."
"I'm sorry, what are you..." Dan tried to ask.
"I'm getting there!" Tatiana replied, taking a long puff, then continuing. "Well, my wife had been suspecting that I was cheating and she followed me on that trip. When Tatiana went to leave, she came in. She decided to 'punish' us both with some magic curse she learned from her 'witch' grandmother. Sounds like a crock of shit, right? Well...it wasn't. Now Tatiana and I share this body, switching control every time she gets her period. My wife reported me missing and, after enough time, dead. Now she's rich with all of my money... And you, you're decent enough that Tatiana and I could agree on you. Gets us out of being a prostitute or stripper, anyway. So there you have it."
Dan sat there dumbfounded. "Look, babe, if that's like...a mental illness or something, I can get you help. I just..."
Tatiana blew a puff of smoke toward him. "Look, dude, I've accepted that I'm stuck this way. And honestly, after getting past the initial anger and awkwardness, it's not a bad deal. Actually, the 'red tide' just stopped flowing...if it'll help relax you, I'll meet you in bedroom in 10, just let me finish this bad boy..." She shot him a wink.
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